pack, clean, clear, sweep, scrap, jump, higher, higher, higher

Okay. Phew. I have so much to do and it's making me really stressed. The next few days are going to fly by. I've done the past couple of nights on very little sleep and my expectations for the next three are no better.

Today I played Packing: Round #1. I think I won. My large suitcase is completely full and I probably have just the right amound of stuff to fit into my smaller suitcase and my backpack.

Nearly every second of my time is promised away for these next few days because I have so many people to see and so much to finish before Friday night, when the French boys of Village 5 are throwing me an all-night party to proceed driving me to the airport. (Don't worry, Mama and Papa. Vincent will be quite sober to drive.)

Today I said goodbye to Massimo. I feel like I'm really bad at goodbyes because I never expect them to be forever. I can't seem to finish a farewell without saying something to the effect of, "Yeah, see you around ... someday. I'm sure we'll see each other again, right?" Maybe this is a silly, not-living-in-the-moment kind of way to act. Maybe I should just say goodbye and get on with my damn life.

I also said goodbye to Colin yesterday morning, which was really hard.

Each thing I need to do and each person I need to see seems to multiply my heart rate. My chest is pounding! Every free moment of thought that I have, I dedicate to the trip home. I try to picture myself checking my luggage in Bordeaux, boarding my transatlantic flight in Madrid, and finally walking past security in Cincinnati and into the arms of my family. I wonder what their first thought will be when they see me. Will I look different to them? Will I look older? It almost seems silly to dedicate thought to such things considering that they just saw me in January and also that, thanks to this blog my Daily Booth account (clicking on the photo in the upper left of this screen will take you there), they've had a pretty constant stream of photos of me.

I guess I just expect everything to change. I'm not a different person than when I left, but I feel a whole lot older and wiser than I did before and I want someone to notice.